There's not much that'll make me not wanna do something faster then when someone says, “Yer gunna wanna...” When did this bizarre form of instruction become fashionable? I hear it all the time lately.
Seriously, watch a YouTube video on how to do something sometime and see for yourself. I was just looking up how to install one of those over-the-stove microwaves (don't ask) (okay, you wore me down – the bloody thing has been sitting on my living room floor for two months!! Not that I'm blaming anyone who is married to me or anything...). I went to YouTube to find out how to do it. I watched three different videos that all had, I'm sure, lovely instructions. I can't say for sure, because by the 93rd time I'd heard, “yer gunna wanna...” I smashed my keyboard to smithereens.
How the hell do they know what I'm gunna wanna do? They don't even know me! What if I don't wanna at all? What if I'm only doing this because I've had it up to here with stubbing my toes on my microwave? Truth is, I don't wanna. I want someone else to gunna it. Oh lord...my brain is malfunctioning again.
Since when do we give instructions in this weird manner? You ask someone for directions (well, the females among us do) and they immediately start with “Yer gunna wanna go down to the second stop light and yer gunna wanna make a left...” I've heard you can be charged with something called "vehicular assault" if you run over someone's foot on purpose. I'm not really sure how they'd prove intent, though.
I attempted to watch a cooking show the other day (I figured it was time I learned to cook in case Mr. Boots kicks the bucket). The show was hosted by some 16-year-old (or so) cheerleader/bimbo who bounced around the kitchen saying things like "yer gunna wanna whisk this..." and "yer gunna wanna put it in the oven...." I couldn't take it. I had to shut the tv off before I was gunna needa new one.
Whatever happened to giving instructions thusly: “First, you take a handful of sand. Then, you shove it in your bathing suit. Next, you grip the fabric firmly and...” See? Not a gunna wanna in the place!
Well, I've gotta go now. It seems I'm gunna wanna go ahead and install a new keyboard. Oh, and that's another one!! “Go ahead and...” Where the hell else am I gunna wanna go?